Looks

      Am I ugly?  How does one no if he or she is ugly?  After I got sick I felt like that a lot. I had gained ten lbs. in a lot of pain and just felt fat.  Even today I feel like that, not the fat part, but the ugly part for sure.  I started to
feel that way because of the pain and the weight gain, first the hair stop getting done (sitting all day was something I couldn't do), I started adding sweat pants and t-shirts to all of my outfits. I just felt blah all the time and changing that thought pattern is hard to do.  Truth be told it took me years to think I was anywhere near being attractive and months to tear that thought apart.  Its just been a long time since anyone (guy) has approached me for anything more then direction.  Maybe it is all in my head, I really hope so I miss that touch.

   T T F N

Rejection

   Yesterday was Easter and I made dinner, my mom and her girlfriend came by and we had a nice time.  The food turned out good I am still trying to learn how to cook a roast.  Now let me say it was good, but my bf makes a roast that will make you want to smack your mommy. Her roast is ALWAYS tender and would fall apart just by looking at it.  Dam I miss her and her roast, she moved to Phoenix, AZ now that's far away.  All and all it was a nice day.

  Omg, ok I meet this guy online about a month ago and we have been emailing, them im and texting.  So last night I invited him over, ok this is the funny part.  He came over we made it half way up the stairs and he says " I left my ear piece in the store on the corner, be right back".  He never came back, it took me about 7 min. before I realized he was not coming back, that kinda hurt.  For a second I had a problem with me the way i looked, my sexiness then i snapped out of it.  Really i just deleted his number from my phone and email from my computer.

   An insight into my health ( when ever I say health I laugh to myself ).  I have been having a wired tingle  in my right arm, starting at my elbow going down to my fingers.  It has gotten worse since it started two months ago.Hell (say the title), I go see a neurologist soon and lets see what he or she says.  My therapist says live my life as if I am not sick.  Do what I can on the days that i can do them, easier said then done.  I am working on that as well.

   On a good note....... I have been eying my mailman for months, hell since I moved here.  He is tall, dark and handsome (sexy), beautiful smile.  I finally got the nerve to ask him if he would like to have a cup of coffee w me and he said Yes.  We did not exchange numbers maybe tomorrow. :)  That made me smile.

   Well I am going to end this for now until next time "Stay Safe"

   Today is April 22, 2011 and at times my days seem to run into one another.  There is not much going on in my life from day to day that is exciting.  I do know that today i am feeling good a bit tired tho almost sluggish.  I really want to do a whole bunch of stuff around the house and outside, but I know I should sit my ass down
somewhere. The days that I am not 100% I have a hard time keeping a smile on my face and have to fight back tears for most of the day.  As a parent it is even harder to smile when I have to tell my kids we cant go anywhere because I am not feeling well.  I can say that if I did not have faith in something I would really be crazy.  My health seems to depend my what I do from day to day and I think my mood, I know my level of stress has a grate deal to do with how I feel or to say it better how much pain I will be in very soon. 

   I use think of myself as wonder women now I have been rethinking my own self worth.  Now, that is a very hard thing to come to grips with.  I, me have not changed one bit, I am still me in every since, yet I feel different.  I cant explain it or even put my finger on it.  There are times when I have to remind myself that somethings I have to rethink how I am going to do something, when I don't I do pay for it later.  I have not known pain until I got sick, hell I did not even get sick a lot so this is all new to me.  So I went from being a healthy person to a healthy person with a small problem. lol

   Well i am going to end this for now until next time.

Here we go

   Well today was a day that caused me some discomfort.  OK I am on public ass. and I have been come to realization that it is set up to create loos of hope for the needy.  Now that does not set one race from the other if you need help they might give it, but they will take your hope,  your fight and anything that you can win with they take.  Does anyone one wonder why they do this?  Do we care that they are?  I think i know why, but who cares? 
   Yea going to any of those places kills my song for a min. one can walk in with a smile and a dance an walk out with doubt about tomorrow.  If I did not need their insurance I would tell them where to put their bull-shit.
  I will say I will never be defeated, maybe upset but not defeated.  All I can do is stand up straight, hold my tummy in, shoulders back, head up, take a deep and smile. It might sound corny but it does work.  Oh and don't forget to believe in yourself.  Yes I am talking to you.

Until next time.     
    
  

intro

   You must be wondering what the title of my blog is truly about, but i will get to that soon.  Let me start by introducing and telling a bit about myself.  Hello my name is Crystal Mora and I am a 39 year old single mom of three.  I was born in Detroit, Michigan lived in North Philly now I reside in Queens, New York as of a few months ago.  I will say I love NY a lot, not more then any other state that I've lived in just different.  The living space's is smaller then the four of us are us to.  I guess we will learn to adjust or I hit the lottery and I can buy us a house.  I op for the lottery one lol. 
   I am going to be blogging about my life as a mother, daughter, sister, friend, etc and giving sense to the title.  I hope to see u back here. TTFN!!