Why ?

      At times people come to me, or come at me with the improvements or to complain about my parenting skills.  Why is that?  Now these are the people that: (1) have no kids (2) has paid help around the house (3) my son's father.  I am always lost and hurt by this when it does happen.  I am their PARENT not their friend.  I am teaching, instilling good values, helping learn some life lesson and a ton of day to day things I do. I am a realist when it comes to parenting. Example: I let everyone know I am washing clothes so put all dirty clothes in the bags to be washed.  I say this oh 10x and after that your lose.  You will go to school in a dirty uniform.  One more example: If you are to sick to go to school then you are to sick up to get out of bed. In life if you make no movement you get no action. I don't do it  w/ everything they don't get right or chose not to do or are just being a kid on. I don't want my children to grow up w/out knowing how to care for them selves, each other and others. My children are smart, kind, funny, sociable, understanding, talented and I can go on and on about who they are now.  And I can't wait to see the them they will become.  I will know some of that came from me.  :)
    Do you want to hear some F-ed up stuff?  Ok my neurologist has canceled my appointment that took my 2 1/2 months to get, and top of that told I can't reschedule until the end of the month.  My right arm is killing me, :) it's hurting now.  I would just like to know what the ? is going on. I hoping my doc. can get me in there a bit sooner.  Oh I am starting to notice that my meds. works best if I take it easy. Kinda like not walking, up and down stairs oh and no stress. ( just smile). Oh I can remember when I was younger, no pain. :)  

Being a Mom

   At first I felt being a mom was a fairly easy job until my now 12 years old son started to talk back to me.  The first time he had raised his voice to me I felt as if my world had fallen apart.  My 10 year old daughter has now hopped on the band wagon of " I gotta attitude" tour.  They both think that I got to be dam near forty by doing what ever the hell I wanted to.  I wish......well no I don't I am glade my parents cared enough about me to tell me when I needed to get it together.  I don't reminder when kids changed from nice to what ever they are now.  Kids today are very different from what I was when I was younger.  For one they are so lazy, NO they are lazy as hell.  Anything that requires any movement at all is looked upon as a death sentence. OMG don't ask them to go outside and play get some fresh air is like asking them to breath in acid spores that will on contact burn their lungs and leave them in agony and pain.   Before we moved from Philly there where times when my oldest wanted to take his DSI outside to talk to his friend who was sitting on the steps next to him.  I would get so lost by this question and he would get so mad when I told him NO he could not use that thing outside to talk to someone sitting next to him.  Have we gotten so mixed up that the only way we can speak to each other is by some sort of computer, If that is the case now wonder why our kids are turning into mini ass hole they have no people skills. Hell my daughter sends me texts mess. from the living room and my youngest wants to email mail like Elmo.  Really!   I hope we get back to basic one day.
A rethought-being a mother is kinda easy
T T F N

Wednesday :)

   I love my therapist, she says the simplest things that make so much sense.  OK she said one of the first things to do when you want to beat or wave off depression is smile. The more we smile, the more positive we become, that in turns gives off positive energy.  A smile can change ones life if you look at in a full circle type of way.  I understand the smile more things and it takes more muscles to frown then to smile.  I also get sometimes it is easier said then done.  I at time I have to smile at the things that make me made just in order to stop from crying, now I am trying a different approach, just smile for no reason at all.  I started this and at first I felt crazy, now I feel good  sexy even.  People even smile back most of the time, I am quit sure some people think I am crazy, but I don't care it feels good.  You should try it.

    A very good friend of mine told me be for she passed away " Chriss- Po you need to stop acting as if you do not need help with raising your kids"  now she said this no a norm but no day it clicked.  She was right I did and still do need help even more now that I am sick.  What I did do after I realized I did need help, was get my girlfriends together and we started taking weekends.   Which gave us all two weekends free.  Dam do I miss those weekends and my girls.  Friends are hard to come by, so don't forget to tell them " I love you"

  My doctors have no real idea what is going on with my body and that sucks ass, badly.  It's funny how with all of these tools in the field of mediation the human body is still a mystery.  All I can do is smile. :)

 I am going for now.  TTFN 
   

Where Does Time Go!!

   Wondering where time has gone when someone you know is close to death, is a bitch.  I try not to wonder about anything, but I am only human.  My thoughts get the best of me and the tears wont stop.  My best friend passed away in November of last year and each day still is a struggle to accept her death.  We had made so many planes for this summer ( silent laugh ).  Everyday she is missed by many and for that she will live on. Death sucks no matter who is doing the dieing be it family, loved ones, friends, strangers and  foes.  It is a point of one return. lol  Not funny really.
 
   Now the worst part of being sick is the fatigue part that comes with "IT".  Yes the pain, swollen joints, stiffness suck ass, but being tired for doing nothing really sucks.  Some days when the other stuff is not bad the fatigue is more then enough.  Just getting out of bad is tiring and having to walk for a distance does seems to cause pain. My whole body get heavy and it's hard to move, just a very strange feeling through out my body.


  I have a four year old son who to say the least is a hand full.  He is not at all bad just smart with a quick wit.  He says the funnest things I have ever heard from a child, and I have heard a lot.  The other day the kids are siting down watching TV and a Victoria's Secret ad comes on and he says " Hello ladies" with a oh lala voice. At four, then he shows me his age by laughing at his farts.  Oh that's not right mostly all man (18 +) laugh at that, hell my oldest son at 12 does that. Somethings never change.


   For now I am saying see you later

        TTFN