FRIENDS

   Friends, how many of us have them?  As I sit on the phone today for hours with my two BFF, talking about everything and nothing under the sun.  We actually sat on the phone at times in silence as if we where happy with not saying nothing.  Missing each others comfort and support that use to come with a knock on the door, now miles separate us.  The not knowing how the other is doing at any point of the day is unsettling at times.  Now I have to find new friends :(  For me it is hard to make friends.
   I don't know what it is.  I feel different lately, I have been fighting the feeling of not being good enough. I am not trying to blame being sick, but....... I am tired of being along .  You know the worst question people can ask you when you are feeling lost? Why aren't you married, in a relationship whats the matter with you?  Wow what's the matter with me?  Why do people think it is me? Like I control the male race. I want a relationship, to be married, in love, someone to care for me as I would do for him.  I think about it from time to time, but I don't dwell on it. It is what it is.
   Now I don't care for being in hospitals or having to see a doctor often, yet I want to feel better.  Popping pills is not working very well, taking eleven a day and twenty on Sundays just seems to make me sicker.  Now the sun is becoming a problem, it sickens me.  Hay but no sign of a rash :)  I have to stop drinking all together it does not mix with my meds. When my father sees me drinking a glass of wine he flips, I understand dad and thanks.

my youngest giving me thumbs up when I was not feeling well

I am not my DISEASE  I am just Crystal